“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal.” ~ C.S. Lewis.
I have been meditating a lot about love, and how we learn what love is along with what we expect to get out of it. When we were younger we learned what love was from either our parents or mostly fairytales. If you came from a broken home most likely you fought with the idea of there is no such thing as love. If you had both your parents growing up, you would never settle for anything less than what they have.
I think growing up with different ideas in our heads about what love is, and learning from what we see has a huge impact on what we expect when we think we found love. In fairytales it's always the prince that saves the princess. That tells us growing up that we need a man to take care of us, there is no way we could ever survive without him then we will live happily ever after. But that infact is not how true love is, there is a reason why its called a fairytale its not realistic.
Loving someone is hard work, you have to fight for it everyday. You have to not only worry about yourself but about the other person. True love can be the worst and best thing thats ever happend to you, when you're in the moment ( honeymoon stage ) when you're just learning about each other and everything is new it's like there's nobody around you, it's just the both of you. You can't wait to be in eachothers arms once more, you just want to spend every moment with them and never leave their side. Everyday is like a new adventure with new possibilities.
As time passes things get tougher, you start to get on each others nerves, and everything that seems so perfect starts to become well not so perfect.. You start to pick out flaws in how they act from day to day things, to how they treat you or speak to you. Then the arguing starts, don't get me wrong arguing is better than not arguing at least if you argue your working things out and not keeping it in.
In the moment of being angry, you decide to break it off because you can't take the fighting anymore. The moment you said the words "its over" your heart starts to speed up, you have trouble breathing and you feel like your entire world comes crashing down. Everything you loved and worked so hard to hold onto just shatters in front of you.
As the years pass you still try to remain friends with them hoping that your stupid mistake of saying those two words that shattered your world would be put back together. Then a year goes by, you see eachother everyday like nothing changed, you lie to the people around you and refuse to let them know that you're not together anymore. Then another year goes by, you start to get aggravated that you having fixed the shattered mess yet, Then they start talking to someone else trying to get over you, it rips your heart apart even more, so you do the unthinkable and try and see someone else too. Just so you dont have to feel the pain you're feeling inside. When infact that choice was probably just another huge mistake, you replay it in your head how it happened how things could have been different, you start to over think and all these horrible feelings about yourself come rushing towards you and it you in the face to the point where you just want to end it all.
As time goes on you can't snap out of the depression of the loss of the greatest thing thats ever happend to you. The one thing thats ever given you hope in love, the pain hits you like a ton of bricks and day after day year after year you contemplate if your worth it for anyone. Should you even live anymore, would anyone really miss you? Probably not..
As time goes on you struggle with the idea of giving up on the love you once had or continue to kill yourself fighting for it because the thought of not having that person in your life at all is worse than not having them the way you used to have them.
You know you are in love when you see that person, when they touch you; your heart starts to race. When you look in their eyes you can see their hopes, dreams, weaknesses, strengths, and fears. When you know their faults and want to help them through them and not bring them down for it. When you see them struggle not only educationally or financially but with themselves and who they are, all you want to do is help lift them up. When you let them know they may not believe they are good enough, but you know they are. When you would be proud to call them your childs father. Love, True love is about standing by someone 110% and loving them no matter what the good and the bad and although they may want to give up on themselves you won't let them. Youre right there by there side pushing them back to the top. Because you know that they are worth it, your love for eachother is worth it.
If anyone asks me why I hold on, I tell them because I may not have them the way I want them right now, but I know our love with survive in the end through the good and bad, we will always be standing side by side. After all you can't break a connection as strong as true love.
I believe in us and our love, and I will until the day I die. Nothing could truly tear us apart, we may go our own ways for a while but destiny will bring us back to each other. The only truth in a fairytale is giving us hope, for a happy ending but you have to work for it, its not just given to you.
And hell if it doesn't work out in the end, At least I can say I know what love felt like. It hurt like hell but at least I got to feel it. Thats something nobody could ever take from me!
