Self Worth

Sam: Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we're nothing?

Charlie: We accept the love we think we deserve.

- Perks of Being A Wallflower

I've been thinking a lot lately about self worth, and how many of us settle for less than we deserve. Two years ago, I broke up with the person I thought and still think I will spend the rest of my life with. It’s been almost seven years that we would have still been together. In that seven years we learned so much about each other and ourselves. We went through hell and back and supported each other during our struggles and encouraged one another when we wanted to give up or didn't believe in ourselves. Just like any other couple that loves each other something become too much in our lives and we need time apart in that type of way. we still remain the greatest of friends till this day. We broke up for many reasons, It was a mutual agreement knowing one day we would probably get back together. I broke up with him because of all the arguing and many other things. He tells me still to this day that we broke up because I needed to grow up and learn to love myself or nobody will.

            Over these last two years, I have been changing drastically and growing and learning to love myself in ways I never thought I could. I have more confidence in a professional way, I try my hardest to keep up my GPA, I stand by what I’m passionate about and never let anyone talk me down from it. I tell myself every day that if I’m having a bad day its okay because everyone has bad days and tomorrow is a new day to start over. Spiritually I can feel a change, I believe more in myself, in the reason why I was put on this earth and more than anything I am able to look in the mirror and tell myself that I am beautiful inside and out.

            During this journey I have realized a lot of things in my life, one of the most important is choose wisely whom you give your time to. I watch many people and loved ones spend their time with the wrong person. A person who disrespects them, mentally, physically and emotionally and then continues to spend their time that’s not guaranteed tomorrow with that person.

            I ask myself why someone would want to do that to themselves, and the only thing I can go back to is Its what they think they deserve. In all reality it is the complete opposite. The thing is when you're in a relationship, whither it’s a friendship or your dating someone or even married couples have this probably. At the beginning this person seems to be an amazing person, someone new to talk to, to do new things with. You may have common interest that attracts you to this person, or it’s the way they make you feel when you are around them. In some cases that changes, people become comfortable with you and start to show you their true self and it may not be the person you thought they were.

Why do people stay after all the disrespect? In my opinion I think it’s a couple of reasons 1. They invested so much time into getting to know them. 2. They think they can fix them. Or 3. Because this person has talk so badly about them they start to believe they can’t do any better.  You start to feel stuck, and begin to get depressed and the light you once had starts to fade and all your goals and dreams and hopes you had for yourself start to feel less realistic. You start to believe the worst of yourself, not caring about your future or if you live or die and just sleep your life way because it’s easier to avoid the pain then to run at it head on.

            It’s so hard to watch the people I care so much about settle for less. To remain in a relationship when they know they deserve best. The person I love with every part of me is now getting the life sucked out of him and it kills me knowing there is nothing I can do about it but sit and watch. In hopes that one day he wakes up and realizes what an amazing man he truly is, I hope he finds himself again and the light he once had and makes everyone of his dreams come true. He just has to get rid of all the negativity and let the light in again.

I care deeply for the people around me and hate to see them go through what I have for the last 26 years of my life.  But the truth is, nobody can change your life but you and there is no better time than now. I hate that I wasted so much time crying over my past when it took up the time I could have used to make a better future for myself. I hope you all learn from my mistakes and treat each day as its your last, take care of yourself and never let anyone put you down even if its your friend, significant other or family member.  You are a special person no matter what anybody says and you were put on this earth for a reason. Don't spend your time with people that don’t see that or support you and your dreams and help you get through your struggles. These are the things that test a relationship and if its going to last. If they can't be there though all the bad times they sure don't deserve to be there when you are on the top!

So go out there and be the best person you can be, and don't forget to let the RIGHT people in your life and kick out the toxic ones. It will be hard especially if you invested so much of your time on them but it will be with it in the long run!

NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS!!

“Just because someone desires you, does not mean that they value you.” 

—  Boonaa Mohamme

Colbie Caillate- Try